The Sorting of Dolores Umbridge
by EssaTheTwerp
Summary: The Sorting Hat wants to relax a bit after a long night, but when his last student is one Dolores Umbridge, he's even more troubled than usual by her thoughts.


The Sorting Hat was one tired cap. He had had a long night, with many students to be sorted and many confused, scared minds to explore. It was rather difficult sometimes, seeing as they were so young, and had so much to learn.

He was slightly relieved when he realized there was one student left to sort, and yet sad. Despite its exhausting effects, this was the only event of the year he got to actually _do_ something. He had his uses, but this was the most important one.

As 'Umbridge, Dolores' waddled her way to the stool, the Hat decided that he would probe this young one's mind, to enable his time to be in the open. No matter how tired he would be in the end, he had an entire 365 days to recover. (The sorting was quite draining, even though thankfully, no one suspected as much)

The Hat felt himself slip over the young girl's head and then, her mind was an open book. He reeled himself in and out of her memory, every single thing she had thought of.

'Well, well, well Ms. Umbridge...' The Hat whispered quietly in Dolores's year, 'You seem to strongly lacking in qualities worthy of Gryffindor… No, you are not brave, nor particularly loyal…'

_That's just as well! Those Gryffindor's are a shame to Hogwarts! They don't have nearly as much influence as Slytherin, or at least Ravenclaw! _Dolores thought back snootily, and the Sorting Hat kept his reply at bay. He secretly despised the children like this, those who thought another house was unworthy or shameful. Had he not explained in his songs that each house was noble and great, and any of them would be lucky to be sorted in each one of them?

'Yes, yes,' the Hat whispered hastily before digging even deeper into her mind.

'Because of your lack of loyalty, I do not think Hufflepuff would be best either. And you seem to be extremely unjust… yes; you would do worse in Hufflepuff than Gryffindor.'

_Excuse me? I think I would flourish in any house, and be the best at that, no matter how terrible it is. Although I quite agree with you that I don't belong in them. Hufflepuff is a House for idiots, anyway. _The Sorting Hat would have gritted its' teeth if it had any. Hufflepuff was an amazing house, fair and loyal.

'Well, it seems Ravenclaw wouldn't suit you either. While you aren't dimwitted, you seem to show no sign of extraordinary intelligence.' Dolores's cheeks turned red at this, and her thoughts turned into a bundle of protests.

_Mr. Hat! I have to say that that was quite rude and that you are extremely wrong in saying that! I will grow to be ruler of the Magical world one day, I know I will, and you will regret that deeply! _The Sorting Hat was getting quite a headache from the idiot girl, so he ignored her shouted thoughts and dug deeper.

As he did so, he found some deeply disturbing thoughts. This girl was quite unique, and very crude. But… she was also very cunning. She was definitely power-hungry, and she would by no means let anything stand in her way.

Yes, most definitely the qualities of Slytherin. "My dear girl, you are certainly worthy of being a SLYTHERIN!"The Sorting Hat shouted the last word to the hall, and Dolores took the hat off with a smug expression, sauntering her way over to the Slytherin table.

Professor McGonagall took the ruffled Sorting Hat off the stool and began carrying it to the Headmaster's office.

The Hat was extremely regretful, not from the toad-like girl's threats; he must get fourteen a year. No, his regret was that so many Slytherins seemed to have dark thoughts. Salazar was cunning, but there was a gentle side to him that almost none of the current generation possessed.

Yes, the Hat was most certainly regretful.

* * *

This was the product after reading a thread on which house Dolores would be placed in. A lot thought Hufflepuff, but they are based on loyalty and fairness and just, and Umbridge has none of those traits. So, review if you like!

Thanks, TwilightHeart21


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